style and pace of life: boston vs gainesville

over the past few months I’ve had at least three friends talk to me about being unhappy in boston. these are high-functioning, awesome individuals so i don’t think their unhappiness has anything to do with anything they’re doing wrong.

i think i’m coming to recognize that that the style and pace of life in boston (maybe as it is in all cities) simply doesn’t align with how some people thrive.

when i think back to my gainesville days, i remember the pace of life as back, spontaneous, and communities were tightly-knit. it didn’t take much effort at all to get 4-8 people together on any given weekend.

boston life, on the other hand, is fast-paced, high energy, and it takes a concerted effort to form community. whether it’s going to some event or speaker series or talk… there’s always something going on and people are always busy. hanging out with people 1on1 takes 1-2 weeks notice.  even seeing close friends can be tricky because there are so many different places to expend ones energy.

i’m beginning to wonder if some of my friends aren’t thriving in boston because they just need a different pace. there’s also something about how the pace impacts the gravity of community… i think that’s another post, though.

adult learning and personal schedule design

one of the guys i mentor has been trying out some bits of my systems (which i talk about here [link to forthcoming post about pieces of my methodology]). sometimes, it seems like some things stick and other times, he’s feeling like it’s not working.

he’s got the writing on the wall (literally) but sometimes the stuff just doesn’t stick. 

on one hand, i’ve done lots of reading and i’ve integrated that into my life in a way that works for me. it will (probably) be different for him and everyone else, too. 

on the other hand, i think the learning that i’ve done about how to apply this thinking is non-trivial. and i want to underscore the word learn, because it is just that: learning. and, this, unlike many things people our age have learned up until now, requires a different type of learning. 

i’ve heard this referred to as ‘adult learning’ and, though i haven’t done much exploration of it, it seems pretty critical to thinking about how i (and other people) will learn this personal scheduling stuff.

hm!

found a quick primer here. seems legit.

on spokespeople

i’ve been binging on podcasts about race. one of these is intersectionality by jamil smith.

episode 7 is an interview with janet mock, a journalist who happens to be trans. somewhere near the middle of the show, jamil asked janet, “how does it feel to be a spokesperson?” she responded that it sucks to only get asked questions about identity. she wished that she was asked more about what she’s trained at doing: journalism and storytelling.

and yet, for the rest of the show, jamil asked questions exclusively dealing with her identity as either trans, black, a woman, some combination of those things, or all of them at once.

that’s weird, right?

but janet herself explained that she’s using her voice now as activist. and if an activist isn’t a spokesperson, i don’t know what is.

so what to do?

liberation from monogamy in the gays

i’ve noticed a curious thing on hookup apps. and now that i think about it, i’m noticing a thing other people noticed. this question is showing up more and more on people’s profiles: “why so many coupled guys?" 

it can be nasty and shameful "don’t come to me looking to fill a void your partner can’t fill because they’re terrible.” it can also be neutral or even tactful: “i appreciate that you have a long leash. i’m looking for someone who is currently unattached.”

my thoughts? monogamy is dying. it never actually worked, but due to power, it persisted for centuries. sexism and religion were/are primary perpetrators of upholding marriage because it allowed for a stable society.

as power shifts, in west and not, the desirability of monogamy is diminishing. queers, as always, are at the forefront of exploring and claiming this understanding. the system as it stood never worked for us anyways, so why not explore what else could be?

is it complicated? of course. is it less complicated than monogamy? unclear. but we’re sure as hell gonna figure that out.

viva la revolución!

anxiety

this morning i finished an onbeing episode with david steindl-rast. one somewhat random direction the conversation took was on the subject of anxiety.

steindl-rast explained that the root of the word anxious has to do with the struggle of giving birth. it deals from what the mother and the child feel.

however, he goes on to explain that anxiety itself isn’t bad. it feels bad but getting through it creates new life and preserves old (mother and child).

what is bad, though, is fear combined with anxiety. in the worst case, it causes death. i.e. when a mother or child is unable or too afraid to move through the discomfort of birth, the outcomes can be deadly for one or both.

the trick is to embrace the anxiety while moving forward through the fear.

this analogy carries through on so many levels, including racial anxiety. our nation and communities are racially anxious… but new birth is coming.

it must…

right?