somewhere at the intersection of lean product development and systems thinking is one of my favorite ideas: never make the same mistake twice.
the lean side of that table is continuous learning. the systems thinking side is how you ensure the mistake doesn’t happen again. systems thinkers observe surrounding contexts and create structures that prevent known issues from arising again (see 14 habits of systems thinkers).
i genuinely believe one of the most significant parts of my personal system is this idea. as with most everything i do, it takes a small amount of energy each time it comes up, but over time, it creates massive gains.
a recent (somewhat simple, but still real) example: this past weekend i was in nyc and i lost one of my micron pen’s. i freaking love my micron pens and i try really hard to minimize my consumption of them by not losing them. last year, i made it through the year having used less than a single box (12 pens). so it’s a big moment when i lose one. i thought to myself, how can i make sure this doesn’t happen again?
the next day my friend, nate, had a little leather pen case out on the kitchen island we were standing at. i asked where he got it from, he said he made it and i could have it if i wanted because he could just make another one. i immediately thought, “i don’t actually need this little pen holder, but having it will help me not lose this pen again.”
in theory, not losing pens over time will save me money, frustration, and keep me from contributing to overproduction.
“human beings are works in progress that mistaken think we’re not.”
almost all people are able to say “wow! who i was ten years ago is so different now than who i am today.” despite our ability to do that, most of us are unable to recognize that who we are today is different from who we’ll be in another ten years.
to me, this has several implications on things i think about a lot.
1. in line with jungle’s #5to9 thinking, it makes the idea of “a career” seem totally nonsensical. if we are going to be different ten years down the road, it definitely doesn’t make sense to plan for a static career trajectory.
2. it also lends credence to our belief that the ability to describe “what you do for a living” is becoming increasingly irrelevant. what any individual does from one project to the next could be totally different. of course, that doesn’t obfuscate the need to specialize and optimize, but i do think it means one could play multiple roles on different projects over time.Â
you could even develop several different areas of expertise to keep things from getting boring. in a post-(industrial)-work world, that also allows people to set themselves apart by combining different specializations (ex: designer a does ux, ui, and color theory whereas design b does ux, web design, and web development).
3. in work and non-work contexts, it makes long-range life planning largely irrelevant. some things won’t change, like the need for food, shelter, and companionship. but other things, like housing needs and resource needs, are very likely to shift. my friend alex taylor said today that this explains the mid-life crisis. and then i thought, it also explains the quarter-life crisis, the crisis of turning 30, and every other life crisis. it’s not that people made bad decisions at the outset; it’s just that they changed and didn’t anticipate that they would.
there’s more, but i’m already over time!
two relevant quotes and a video (thanks to jason spicer for the video):
“The notion of security is based on the feeling there is something within us which is permanent, something which endures through all the days and changes of life. We are struggling to make sure of the permanence, continuity, and sfety of this enduring core, this center and soul of our being which we call “I.” For this we think to be the real man—the thinking of our thoughts, the feeling of our feelings, and the knower of our knowledge. We do not actually understand that there is no security until we realize that this “I” does not exist. —alan watts, the wisdom of insecurity
i’ve realized that doing one thing per night has lots of pretty great side effects. well, they’re not all side effects exactly, but whatever. you’ll get the point.
building my no muscle
in order to only do one thing per night, i have to say no to a lot of invitations. i have lots of strong feelings about why saying no is so important and they’re all at play here. sometimes the no’s are to specific events at specific times; other times they no’s are just to keep things off my plate. either way, limiting my schedule really requires that i say no often and practice makes perfect, right?
my spending has gone way down*
doing fewer things means spending less money. i’ve found that now i actually don’t feel bad at all about dropping money on hanging out with people. i know i’m not ever going to overspend because i know i have a limited number of engagements at which to spend money.
and doing cheap things when you do things also helps to reduce spending even more. i love going on walks for many reasons (which you can check out here) or just bringing my own snacks/drinks.
so, doing one thing per night has been a really great practice. and the more i do it, the more beneficial it becomes.
so dope.
* my friend caroline used to run these workshops on enough and i think i want to write about them soon because the findings from them are super relevant here.
a few weeks ago, thich nhat hanh was on one of my favorite podcasts, on being. he dropped this brilliant thought:
“We live in a time when we have a very sophisticated means for communication, but communication has become very difficult between individuals and groups of people. A father cannot talk to a son, mother cannot talk to a daughter, and Israelis cannot talk to Palestinians, and Hindus cannot talk to Muslims. And that is why we have war, we have violence. That is why restoring communication is the basic work for peace, and our political and our spiritual leaders have to focus their energy on this matter.”
my paraphrase: the irony of today’s ago is that that though communication is now easier and global, we are finding it increasingly difficult to talk across difference.*
unfortunately, it’s all to clear to me why this is the trend and getting worse.
today’s world is increasingly full of designed experiences. for many reasons (obviously including capitalism and greed, but others, too) many of those experiences are designed to drive consumption. this dates way back to the consumerization of american society after the world wars (think mad men days) and probably before that, too.
of course, that’s not to say that your local city planner designed your town’s main street to be a gauntlet of advertisements and product placements. but every window, bus stop wall, vehicle, flyer, and person in a brightly colored vest flagging you down is trying to grab your attention.
and that’s not even including the internet.
and then add on to that the fact almost everyone now carries the world (the internet) in our hands via our smartphones. apps and websites are literally designed to focus your attention on specific information or locations (example: do you know why notifications on all your apps are red?). and often those things are pointers to a purchase.
so, it’s pretty clear to me that the water we swim in conspires, maybe unintentionally, to distract us. this makes it nearly impossible to listen well. the distractions themselves don’t make us not listen (though that happens, t00). they just keep us from being aware that listening is an active practice and a skill that can be developed.
one thing i like to do is every so often is walk down the street on the way to somewhere and just listen. no podcast, no headphones, no calling my mom, just listening the world around me. the individual walks are rarely anything spectacular, but over time, i’ve noticed paterns about different parts of town. there’s some super interesting differences between downtown, newbury street, dudley square, and central square.
agh. i’m over time. real quick, though: given the reality of an increasingly distracted world, i intentionally direct my energy towards a couple activities:
creating environments, spaces, and relationships where real, active listening happens
doing projects and living in ways that connect. this fits into two categories: either connecting people more to themselves or to others
i do this because my understanding of entropy (based on convos with my friend jonathan about shannon entropy and information theory) tells me that the only way to work against strong “natural” forces, is to specifically apply energy in the other direction.
so another personal practice i’ve developed is only committing to one event/engagement per evening.
in different phases of life, i’ve found myself setting up so many social engagements with people. it was the most intense in grad school, but it’s happened in other phases, too. all too often a weeknight would look like this: after class or work, i would have drinks with a friend during happy hour; then i’d leave and meet up with a different friend for dinner; sometimes i’d even meet up with a third friend to see a movie or work on a project or something.
hanging out with that many people does keep my social network intact and growing. over time, i’ve realized that even though my network developed well, i was exhausting myself in the process. not only did i have to coordinate and be strategic about when to meet who where (because trekking all over the city takes time and energy). i also had to explain what’s happening in my life to 2-3 three people. as always, what i told to who was dependent on the person, the length of our friendship, and more. however, i started to notice that the 2nd and 3rd time i explained to someone how i was doing, i truncated the situation because i was just tired of explaining it again. of course censorship is necessary, but that type of censorship doesn’t serve to build strong relationships.
so, i found that if i just commit to one social engagement per night i’m not exhausted (physically, emotionally, or interpersonally), and i’m more better able to show up for people i do meet up with.*
since i’ve taken on this practice, people and friends of mine have started to realize that when i commit to hanging with them, it’s for real. and an (unfortunately) irony that i’ve noticed is that sometimes they can’t show up as fully as i do because they have something else to run off to.
there’s no judgment here, but i definitely prefer my situation. sure, i meet up with fewer people, but i definitely would rather have a small number of deep relationships than a large number of shallow ones. of course, it’s not an either or with relationships, but still… the number of people i know who feel like they don’t enough have close/deep relationships is astounding… (maybe i’ll write about that soon).
* to me, showing up means paying attention, listening well, sharing meaningfully at meaningful/appropriate moments, and taking in action when necessary. in our increasingly distracted world, it’s surprising how few people know how to show up for each other.Â
