some number of months ago, a dear friend, ofer, taught me how to handle spontaneity. his advice, in not so few words: put it in a box.
in our conversation, he talked about how he handled self-care time. he set a number of nights per week that he would only spend time with himself. sometimes he moved the night around during the week, but he made sure to get every night he allotted. i took that system and ran with it.
on my calendar, i have two three-hour blocks of time essentially labeled ‘wildcard.’ they serve the purpose of holding time to be spontaneous with. i have an ongoing battle with spontaneity (i mostly don’t like it), but allotting time for it allows me to (think i) have some control over it. if something comes up, say a friend needs to talk or go on a walk on a personal night, i might swap that personal time (also a three-hour block) with the wildcard time. that way, i know i’ll still get my personal time and i still get to be “spontaneous.”
the most important part of this (which i almost forgot to write) is that once i’m out of spontaneous, that’s when my ‘no’ muscle goes to work. this system has allowed me to say no to random events (even really cool ones) like nbd. it is so so helpful to have a framework for this.
some friends have said this is obsessive. that’s possible. i’m a man of extremes. can’t help it.
this post is just a MASSIVE word vomit. sorry in advance.
so lately (all the time), i’ve been thinking about power and oppression. there are so many different oppressive power regimes (sexuality, gender, race, class, age, physical ability, etc.), and all of them have had significant energy put towards breaking them down. and yet, all of them still persist.
why?
*shift*
curtis, my systems thinking guru, often quotes someone (reference) that says when systems are broken, what they need is more connection to themselves, not less.
*shift*
some months ago at work, i attended a really interesting meeting about one particular network our org had worked with for 5+ years. as the network grew more connected, the periphery of the network was increasingly involved in the decision-making process. this involvement seemed to actually result in more equitable decision-making.
it showed up very specifically at one point when the network was hiring some contractors. the higher-ups had hired a specific contractor, but when the contractors started to do their work, the periphery folks were extremely offended by the way the contractors worked. the leadership team had visceral connection to the negative outcomes of a decision they made. when it was time to hire the next round of contractors for that work, the leadership team knew that they should not be the ones who decided who the contractors were. they then handed over decision-making power to the periphery people in the network.
imo, feedback caused a shift in power.
*shift*
there are many quotes, especially in social justice circles, about how power isn’t given, it’s taken. this one wokémon meme is a popular one.
but if i’m honest with myself, i really struggle with that statement. if power is taken, not willingly given, why have all of the attempts to take power resulted in extreme backlash and re-entrenchment? michelle alexander writes about this extensively in her book, the new jim crow. for as many years as people have been fighting to end racism, it still exists, and by some metrics, it’s getting worse because it’s getting increasingly hidden (dog-whistle politics).
when power is taken, it seems the oppressive systems just morph.
if all of these things are true, what does that mean for how we move forward together?
*shift*
audre lorde said “the master’s tools will not dismantle the master’s house.” taking power (particularly by using violence and fear) seems to be a tool of the master. if that is the case, that approach is doomed to fail.
*shift*
but i certainly hear that waiting on those in power (rich, white, men, cis-gendered, able, etc.) to willingly give up their power is an impossible ask. telling someone who has been oppressed to wait is a thing that should never be done.
and yet, here we are, still working towards freedom. if none of us are free until we all are free, how do we get there? and, as my colleague, cyndi, asked in that meeting, “can we get to that stage [where people in power recognize that their liberation is also in the destruction of oppression] faster?” people are dying. now. we don’t have time to wait.
*shift*
some african communities measure change at the 500 year scale. so what does that tell us about wanting change to come quickly?
a few weeks ago at a big talk (an anti-small talk dinner group - link forthcoming), i was introduced to the overton window.
in short, the window is a tool of analysis that was created to make clear how viable a policy was. in any particular context, ideas closer to the center of the window were more viable as policy. the further one gets from the center of the window, the less politically viable a policy is.
while a useful framework on its own, the overton window makes me think about lots of other things.
the window obviously excludes the radical and unthinkable. however, over time, what’s radical and unthinkable shifts. for example, in america, the idea that black people could marry white people or that two same-sex people could marry each other, were both previously untenable. however, now both of those things are federally legal and acceptable.
so then i ask, how does something move from unthinkable, to radical, to acceptable on and on until it becomes palatable and acceptable policy?
people need to be able to imagine the unthinkable. and how to they imagine the unthinkable? someone needs to make it real.
there is wehre i think imagination comes in. #the4thbox is a project cooked up earlier this year by some friends and i and it was designed to do just that: help people imagine an alternate reality.
but beyond just supporting people to imagine these other realities, i think the role of change makers (organizers included) is to create actual visions of other realities.
this is the type of social change work i’m the most excited about it and drawn to. yes, tearing down old, oppressive systems is critical. AND. without knowing where else to go, it’s really hard for people to unplug from the systems that support them (oppressors and oppressees alike). this is what i think i’m committing myself to and i’m pretty excited about it.
the part of the conversation that has stuck with me is this question: does capitalism, in the long-run, result in the spreading of liberal values (equality and justice, in all of their forms)?
i know up front that probably sounds weird, especially for anti-capitalists (myself included). but the logic discussed in the episode actually did make me think for bit.
basically, the argument went like this: in the short-run, industrial capitalism produces incredible amounts of stuff which people use to improve their quality of life. food, energy, water, and shelter is able to be provided for a huge number of people with much less resource.
now, much of the systems that produce the goods are terrible destructive and extractive. however, this increased quality of life allows people, usually over multiple generations, to understand the impact of their systems of production. this creates subsequent generations of people who are concerned with issues like this. this is the process of moving upwards on maslow’s hierarchy. then, based on the material gains and lessons learned from earlier systems of production, the later generations turn those destructive systems into regenerative systems.
of course, one counter-argument is that the pathway to produce the things required for such a high standard of living is more destructive than the planet or its inhabitants (of which humans are just one species) can handle.
the environmental destruction that has resulted in the climate warning has already (directly or indirectly) destroyed many species. industrial capitalism also seems to result in the personal and spiritual destruction of many, many people along the way.
of course, the way industrial capitalism rolled out in the west was very much predicated on oppression (largely sexism, racism, and colonialism), but i wonder if industrialization would have happened in the same way (or would i have happened at all?) if all people had always been seen as equals with no one being disposable.
i’m definitely over time for today, but i do wonder if humans can turn this ship around fast enough to keep ourselves alive.
the globally wealthy consume less by substituting consumption for meaning
another part of the conversation i had last night with two friends, annemarie and louise (which also spawned this post) was about my strategy for social change (but also climate change and everything else).
right now, it’s pretty obvious to me that overconsumption and consumerism in the wets contribute an inordinate amount of environmental destruction. americans consume so much. and not only is waste generated in the production of the things we want massive, but then we tend to dispose of the things themselves at alarming rates. honestly, i think it’s because people have a core set of needs, including needs to love and be loved, but consumerism has tricked us into thinking that those needs can be met by consuming. however, after we’ve done the consuming (and earn the corporations their profits), we find that the need isn’t met. and yet, instead of changing tactics, we dive deeper into our consumption. which is crazy. and yet we still do it.
so my theory, which isn’t unique or probably even mine, is that we actually need to focus more concretely on meaning as a way to reduce consumption.
i can think of so many friends who have salaries of over $100k (some even over $200k) who live unhappy and/or unfulfilled lives. if those people could just get off the consumption drug (fueled by their exorbitant incomes), not only could they make more space for meaning (and also meaningful work), but they would free up resources for people who are actually under-consuming (i.e. the poor).
